You fall to the level of your systems

Recently I read this fantastic book that changed my perception of my actions on a day-to-day basis. “Atomic Habits” by James Clear establishes how our goals don’t define us but rather the systems that are put into place for us to achieve the goals. Both unsuccessful and successful people have the same goals, maybe they want to become healthier, become more financially stable, become more social etc. However, what determines the likelihood of achieving goals is the system that has been put into place in order to achieve these goals. 

Clear states that we “Your goal is your desired outcome. Your system is the collection of daily habits that will get you there.” emphasizing the importance of the process of getting to your desired outcomes. How does this look on a practical level? well let’s say that you want to read more books this year and give yourself a goal of reading ten books. Now you have to set up daily routines that facilitate and synergize this desired outcome. Clear suggests that we make cues for the habit as available as possible. In this scenario that can look like having the book you want to read always be visible to you either on a coffee table or on your bed, that way when you are more likely to stick with your habit as you will often find the cue (the book) when visually orienting yourself to the room that you are in. 

It is also imperative that you make the act or habit that you are trying to stick to as enjoyable as possible. This can be done in a multitude of ways such as pairing something that you want to do but don’t enjoy that much with something that you want to do and enjoy a lot. This habit pairing is extremely beneficial and is a system that leads to sustaining the habit that you want to establish. Let’s now go back to the reading example, you might find the act of reading quite insurmountable and bitterly annoying. But say you really enjoy drinking coffee in the morning, you can set up a system where as you sip your coffee, you read a few pages, slowly paring the reward of drinking coffee with the act of reading. And slowly once you establish one of these pairings, you can add other actions as well like meditating after reading etc. These systems complement each other and provide the necessary momentum for sustenance and success. 

Initially when we are trying to lay down the ground work for the habits that we are trying to implement, we are energized by a burst of motivation. You see a new year rolling around and decide that you are going to be a better version of yourself this year. You buy yourself a gym membership, new running shoes, new books or courses and stick with it for about 2 weeks. And then slowly lethargy creeps up on you from the crevices of your life. One missed day leads to multiple and slowly the motivation dies, leaving the action suffocated. Clear provides a  simple solution to keep building the habits that you want. He suggests that we create a “Two minute version” of the habits that we want. This system allows the action to be very simple and require low activation energy. This could look like setting yourself up to read for two minutes. Once you do that you will find it more and more difficult to stop doing the action, further enforcing a system that values progress over perfection. 

“You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems.” is a quote that I live by now as it has allowed me a seamless and fluid pursuit towards individual betterment. I can’t regurgitate the value and power of the ideas in this book enough. Pick it up and I promise you won’t regret it. 

Stay Golden,

Mashrur  Kazi 

The Benefits of Journaling

Over the past month I have picked up a habit that has completely changed my life and my perception of the things happening around me. About a month and half ago, I was at a Costco with my dad, and I found a pack of three journals. At this point in my life I was feeling extremely lost and uncertain about the future. This past year has had a lot of negative mental health outcomes for me and I was truly desperate for a practice that will allow me to steady the ship. Often times we overlook simple practices that can benefit us and drastically improve the quality of our lives. And so, I decided to pick it up and diligently attend to the practice.

When I first started, it was weird being vulnerable and expressing everything that was going on in my head. I was afraid of judging what I was going to write and so I started off with a more conservative approach. However, over time I found that I was writing more and more honestly and my entries were increasing in length. During this practice, I also took a non-judgmental approach in terms of quantity and quality of the entries. The only rule I had for myself is to be completely honest when writing.

Given my knowledge on the habit, I knew to expect positive outcomes from the practice. However, I did not expect the benefits to be as effective as I experienced them. First, by journaling religiously, I was able to establish a keystone habit that grounded me for all my other habits. It was easy enough where I did not have to overcome a lot of resistance and so it allowed me to gain momentum that bled over to other habits in my life. For example, I would meditate right after I finished journaling and the momentum would carry over, multiplying the benefits. It grounded me and gave me a reference point to cling on to while I was actively figuring out my position in life.

Also by journaling I was able to gain perspective on all my active problems that I needed to address. By looking through the pages of my journal I was able to recognize that most problems that seem grandiose at a moment slowly fade away. And so it made me realize that there truly is no point in being overly anxious about where I am in life and the problems that I face in a day-to-day basis. Recognizing this was a massive deal for me because now I don’t have to always be in my head over analyzing situations and stressing unnecessarily over an issue that will most likely resolve itself in time.

Life is constantly fleeting and so we should make the most of it. Employing habits such as journaling can have an extremely beneficial effect in grounding our existence and allowing for greater freedom and growth in our respective journeys.

You can find the corresponding audio episode on my podcast here.

Mashrur Kazi

Being Kind To Yourself

As we grow up, the number of problems we have seem to multiply exponentially. At least this has been the case for me. I have only been on this planet for twenty two years, but can slowly feel everything piling up. It feels like as the days are passing by, the balancing act between different aspects of my life such as academics, social life, fitness and family is becoming an increasingly difficult task. Most days I can rise to the challenge and keep up with these challenges. However, some days are harder than others and while attempting certain tasks I fail to face them. During these times I find that the language I use towards myself is extremely harsh and negative.

This negative self-talk is a habit and so the more I feed it, the more it becomes the norm and the more I allow myself to think of myself in a negative light. This form of self talk can appear throughout the day as I am in the process of fulfilling my daily obligations. I find that it can manifest in both unconscious and conscious patterns. Like the other day, I was overwhelmed with school work and could not manage the time to go to the gym or get any form of physical exercise and at the end of the day I unconsciously called myself a fat piece of shit out loud. Other times it can manifest in lack of smaller actions such as not getting the desired mark on an assignment or forgetting something important at home. For all these instances my automatic narrative would be “You piece of shit, be better”. Sometimes it would also manifest when things were out of my control, like getting ghosted by a girl or  getting rejected at a job interview. My self narrative habitually reverts to “You piece of shit, no one wants to hangout with you/ no one wants to hire you”.

Over time this negative self chatter can become overwhelming, further adding fuel to my anxieties and sprouting new sources of self doubt. Its like a snow ball effect gaining momentum and getting worse. This form of judgement I find is self harming and can lead to impairments on my daily activities. However, I finally have come to a solution to this never ending problem. During one of my visits to my mentor’s office my University, I was explaining this self shit talking problem to him. What he suggested really did help bring down the chatter a lot and so I want to share this with everyone in hopes that it too can help other people facing the same issues as me.

Be mindful of the language you use.

This was a huge game-changer for me. Our thoughts are controlled by the language we use and so if we can change the language we use, we can change our thoughts. Instead of saying phrases like “I HAVE to do this…” use phrases like “WHEN I do this…”. This subtle shift in the language can change the way we feel and think about situations, changing our perception of what is going on. This helped me calm down the negative self talk and kept the shit talking at bay. This too is an habit and must be reaffirmed over and over again to be useful. Catch yourself when you are using negative language and do a switch up.

Our perception is our reality

This realization came from a very mindful place. The way we feel and think are all based on our perceptions of the world, the lens through which you view the world. In a relieving way, we (in most situations) have control over the way we view the world. Almost every negative situation can be seen as positive one. Did not get the mark you expected? prepare yourself better for the next assessment.  Did not get into the school you wanted to? it is an opportunity to strengthen your applications, etc.

Employ rituals that make you present

Shutting the self judgement can be done through being present. Quieting down the voice in your head and moving on with your day. Seems almost impossible, but in-fact it is achievable through actions and activities that make us present. For me these rituals include making coffee, purposefully listening to music, working out or engaging in physical activities. We all have to take the time to figure out what helps us become present, such that we can reduce to negative self talk to a minimum.

Problems will keep arising as time goes along and so we have to do the best that we can to face them. If one of the obstacles in your path is your own judgemental self, then every task becomes even more challenging and so on. Learn to be kind to yourself and treat yourself as if you are someone you care for. Life is a marathon and not a sprint and everything is a learning experience.

Stay golden,

Mashrur Kazi

Appreciation

It’s never easy when someone your age passes away. Death in my mind has always been a distant idea, a far-off destination that is inevitable. Unfortunately the reality of the matter is that the timing of death is uncertain and unpredictable. With the recent passing of a friend from high school I have been able to reflect on my own life and awareness of my mortality.

It is so important that we appreciate the people around us while they are still around. In our day-to-day struggles we often forget to pay gratitude towards others. Appreciating people in our network that help us become the people that we are is often overlooked. Constantly looking to the future, I often times foret the people that make the suffering of life bearable on a day-to-day basis. Simple gestures like calling them and sending messages can go a long way in terms of appreciation. At the end of the day life is hard and cruel and we need people and connections to survive.

I am so grateful to be surrounded by excellent people who allow me to grow and be my best self. People that catch me on my bullshit and give me the right tools to excel in the things that I want to excel at. However due to distance, timing and circumstances of life, I forget to acknowledge these people that mean so much to me.

In the wake of recent events, I realized how important it is to show kindness, acknowledgement and compassion towards the important people in my life. To show them love while we are still breathing. To be forgiving and responsive such that we can live with peace in our hearts. To let go of past mistakes and fights. It is so important that we express our gratitude to these individuals that do so much for us, the ones that make the suffering of life bearable. Let the important people in your life know how important they are to you while they are still around because when all is said and done these people are all we have.

Stay Golden,

M Kazi

Dealing with Daily Anxiety

This blog post is a little different than my other posts. It is quite personal  but I hope that with me sharing my story of how I deal with my demons, others will be able to extract some helpful tips as well. Just like every other human on this planet, I also suffer from small episodes of irrational anxiety on a day-today basis. My monkey brain sometimes pushes me to think about situations that will never take place, situations that make me feel extremely uncomfortable and often times very insecure. There are also times where one minute of pain (induced by my anxiety) feels like it’s the end of the world. Retroactively looking back at these situations I realize that there were no reasons to be worried about these made up outcomes that my brain constantly conjures up.

Understanding the role of the anxious brain is also important such that we can deconstruct why we feel the way we feel at any given point. In the “Happiness Equation” by Neil Pasricha explains the need for anxiety through the evolutionary context. In our primal days where survival was our main goal, our brains had to adapt to new environments and scan  for potential threats that may be lethal to our being . It is a part of our “fight or flight’ wiring and was necessary for survival. Our brains adapted to showing us the worst case scenarios such that we can be ready for these situations and avoid real danger. However, the problem with us modern humans is that we have eradicated a lot of these lethal threats over the past few centuries. Even though our environments have changed rapidly, our problem solving/seeking brains are still stuck in the past.

After understanding more about anxiety, I have ben able to deal with it better. Through trials and tribulations, I have finally figured out the right combinations of daily actions that allow me to reduce my anxiety as much as possible and live a more mindful, productive and easy going life. Keep in mind that these actions and behavioural changes worked for me and it doesn’t necessarily mean that it will work for you. I am no neuroscientist so please take everything with a grain of salt.

Surrounding yourself with a support system

I am a very social person and enjoy talking to people about everything. I have found a small group of friends and family members that I can confide in without the fear of judgement. Whenever I feel the anxiety waves coming in, I try to do my best to reach out to these. I find that talking helps me become more rational and also calms me down. It allows me to gain perspective while seeing the whole picture.

Reading books about mindfulness/self-improvement

In my opinion, reading a book is probably one of the most enjoyable experiences on this planet.  It also allows you to learn from another person’s experiences and mistakes without you having to live them. Keep in mind that not all enlightening moments can be gained from books alone. However, they did help me significantly to understand how to be mindful whenever I feel the rush of anxiety coming in.  The two books that I always recommend to people are “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle and “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck” by Mark Manson. These two books have shaped how I perceive the world and perceive myself. It has allowed me to become more present and has liberated me from mental shackles.

Meditating

Everyone has heard about this option. To be honest I was not a huge fan of meditation when I first started this practice. The sessions felt way too long and I was not gaining much from it. However, recently I have been using Headspace and the guided meditations really help me develop a better relationship with anxiety. Meditation teaches you to observe your thoughts and emotions rather than identifying with them. Similar ideas are present in other cultures and religious beliefs.

Don’t expect

If you can truly live without the means of expectation from the universe and other people around you, you will find that anxieties and insecurities truly start stripping away. Realizing that you are here now and you only have control over your own actions is extremely important. We can only control how we act and how we react to situations that happen to us. If we take responsibility for our lives try to do things to the best of our own abilities (without comparing to anyone else), we can drastically reduce our anxiety. I found that whenever I compared myself to someone else through social media, I would instantly become anxious about the future and my life. Let go of past actions and don’t expect from the future.

Enjoy the ride

This last bit took me the longest to realize. Accept life for what it is, a long journey filled with pleasure, pain, happiness, suffering and obstacles. Some days are going to be amazing and somedays are going to be absolutely shit. Living one day at a time is the best approach in my experience. Just live the 24 hour period and you get to restart and live again. Learn to respect and enjoy both sides of the coin and you will find that your anxiety will be greatly reduced.

Stay Golden,

Mashrur Kazi

Snapping Out of The 0 or 1 Mindset

After many years of trying different ways to achieve my personal, academic and career goals, I think I finally realized what was holding me back.I finally snapped out of the 0 or 1 mindset. You may ask, What is the 0 or 1 mentality? In simple terms, it is the idea that in order to complete a task, or reach a goal we either need to put 100% of the effort in, or none of the effort because it definitely is not worth it.This kind of mindset was only holding me back as much as possible. There would be days where I won’t feel like going to the gym and I used to justify it by saying something like “ What’s the point of going if I am not going to put hundred percent into it ?”.

I would also apply this mindset to everything else in my life, further hindering my progress towards my school. For example: If I knew I was going to be 5-10 mins late to a class, I would just skip thinking “ Whats the point, I won’t get 100% of the content anyway”. I would also use this as a social crutch to get out of situations.This kind of mindset can be seen noble at first. The whole notion of “I am going to be 100% every single day to everything.” In theory, It sounds wonderful, however as we should all know by now, humans are extremely flawed when comes to executing ideas. Our circumstances are usually far from perfect, and even in the most perfect scenario, our will power may fail us.

And as predicted, I kept going down the downward spiral. I kept hitting more 0s than 1s. I would skip class, skip the gym and also skip out on other activities that would have improved my quality of life. I kept blaming this rigged system that favoured my laziness and gave me room to justify my excuses.Once I realized this massively flawed mindset, I was able to reach out and change my entire mentality and outlook towards life. Life isn’t about hitting hundred percent or not at all every time. I now mostly focus on percentages. 1% of getting something done is still much better than 0% of that thing being done.

I caught myself every time I tried to bullshit my way out of something using the 0 or 1 principal. I just compared myself to the person I was yesterday and tried my best to improve on whatever was at hand. This allowed me to become more pragmatic and realistic of my goals. I realized that life is a marathon and not a sprint, and so we must play it accordingly. Know what you are aiming at and pursue it accordingly. Take small steps towards the goal and avoid just seeing the whole picture. Using this principal, I now take life day by day and don’t worry too much about the future.

Stay Golden

M Kazi

 

Mastering the Habit Loop

Even if we don’t recognize it, all our daily actions are just a collection of habits that we have built over time. Literally everything from the way we brush our teeth, tie our shoe laces and the side of the bed we wake up on. We often overlook these activities as part of our daily living, never evoking from a scientific lens. Once habits are formed, our actions become autonomous and require minor conscious strength.  Habits make us the people we are, they rule the type of lives we live and most importantly, they are a key factor when it comes to determining our fates.

Therefore, If we can identify the structure and mechanics of habits, we can then change our lives towards the direction of our respective purposes. We can break the shackles that hold our present selves in and liberate ourselves for growth in the future. We can take responsibility for our lives and steer the ship where our destinations are. Recently I came across an incredible book by Charles Duhigg called “The Power of Habit”. This incredible piece of literature concerns itself with the science of habits of people, businesses and in a grander scheme, our entire society. I highly recommend this book to anyone on the path to self-improvement. In the book Duhigg explains the habit loop, a flow chart on how habits function and how we can change them.

According to Duhigg, every habit consists of a Cue, Routine and a Reward. These three parts create what is known as the habit loop.

 

The Cue:

Every habit starts with a cue. Identifying the cue is the most important part when it comes to changing habits. For example, If someone has a habit of snacking on unhealthy snacks, they must identify what makes them gravitate towards this routine. For some people this might be having unhealthy food in sight, or getting bored, or even watching television. Everyone has different cues for different habits. In order to change unhealthy habits, the cue must first be identified. So identify the signal that makes you snack, smoke, or whatever habit you are trying to change.

The Reward:

The next step is identifying the reward you get from the routine of the habit. Analyzing the aforementioned habit of snacking on unhealthy foods, we can see that the reward from this activity is the “high” or pleasure produced from the taste of the snack. Identifying the reward allows us to see what we actually crave from our habits.  It also makes it easier for us to change our habits if we can identify the reward. Observing these patterns of cues and rewards will ultimately help us change our routine.

The Routine:

This is the part of the habit that we are trying to change. This is the snacking, the smoking, the biting nails part. Once the cue and reward of this routine is identified, it is necessary that another healthier routine is put into action that provides the same reward. For example, Once we get the urge to smoke (cue) if we are looking for a “high” from cigarettes, we can replace the act of smoking (the routine) with something healthier such as exercising, hence creating the same reward of feeling a “high”.

Here is a rough illustration  of how this happens:

Through this understanding, bad habits can be replaced with habits that can really add value to our lives. Taking responsibility for our daily habits help us drive towards our long-term goals and purpose.

These concepts can be further explored in depth in “The Power of Habit” by Charles Duhigg.

Stay Golden,

M Kazi.